roots and wings…

my parent’s moved into a home when i was 3 years old.  they still own it.  it holds most of my memories.  when i sit on a certain spot on the couch, i breathe deep and think, “man, i love this house.”  i had a HOME. not everyone does.  i do know that.  and, i am thankful. my roots are there, and for me, roots are important.  because of them, i feel like i belong.  like i have a story that started before me…from people whom i respect and wish i knew.  in my hometown, i have a LOT of family.   a friend of mine says, “oh, is that another one of your cousins?”  i usually say “yes,” and…i LOVE it.

when i moved to my current town, for a job, i found all the roots here that i could.  that wasn’t difficult, because my mom’s dad was raised here.  there is a church downtown that has a breathtaking stained glass window made for my great uncle.  his name, as well as my grandfather’s, are scattered on plaques throughout the church. i sat there in an easter service last year and cried like a baby.  i felt like the prayers of my family floated in the air above me.  i don’t care if that is cheesy.  that’s what i felt.

i love having roots….belonging.  having a history in a place.

i went to europe for the first time when i was 14 years old.  took my first backroads style roadtrip when i was 16 years old.  travel is one of my first loves.  there is a line in an edwin mccain song that says, “i swear sometimes…there’s asphalt running through my veins.”  that is true about me.  whether it is the asphalt of backroads and forgotten highways, or the asphalt of a landing strip.

i guess you could say that i started growing wings during that first trip to europe.  and, they just keep growing.  i have a long list of places i want to see….getting longer every time a friend strikes out to somewhere new and shares stories with me.   i should start writing them all down so i don’t forget.  i feel the urge often to spread those wings and find a new place to fly.  south africa.  australia.  spain.  hawaii.  alaska.  i have adventures to find and people to meet.  a story to live.  and my wings are ready to go.

so, here is the problem with having both roots and wings.  sometimes, one gets more attention than the other and…well, jealousy happens.  you see, i’ve spent the last 4 years deepening my roots.  i bought a house….adopted a 2nd dog….built a garden…and now have a community that i LOVE.  and, i am GRATEFUL.  i can sit in my garden and just look at my blooming flowers and wonder how i ever became so blessed that this is my home.  and, yet…i will then find myself getting….well….

RESTLESS…

it builds slowly over time.  i find myself taking the long way home, so that i can listen to more music with the windows down.  or, i will just start searching for vacation ideas (that i can’t afford)…and dream.  then, the restlessness grows.  my wings start to ache.  i feel less contented than i have grown accustomed to being.  i daze off during conversations with people that i truly like.  i don’t sleep as well.  i have odd dreams.  it’s like my wings are sending me constant messages that they are sick of getting the short end of the stick and the roots getting all the attention.  and, they are NOT stopping until i give into their demands.

the trouble is that i don’t know what to do about it.  how to budget it in.  airfare is crazy these days.  and if i go on a roadtrip, who will take care of the dogs?  plus, gas is also crazy.  and, if i could figure something out, then how do i figure out the time off work?  the process is like a never-ending puzzle that i hate.

i would like to end this post with a solution.  you know, what i’m going to do about the whole situation. how i’m going to give my wings some serious fly time.  but, the reality is….i don’t have a solution.  all of those circumstantial issues are still true.  and, i don’t know how to “fix” them.

my question is…

do y’all have any ideas?

what can i do to stretch my wings?  how can i get out of here with all those issues?  or, how can i stretch them while still in town?  i seriously am OPEN to ideas.  help a sister out.

i love my roots…but i NEED to stretch my wings.

 

Comments
3 Responses to “roots and wings…”
  1. Florence says:

    Go on a Compassion Sponsor Trip to visit your sweet girl! You will be seeing another part of the world, but it will have an enormous impact on your heart b/c you will see things not necessarily from a “tourist” view, but from a “human” view. This is how she lives every day. You will not take showers, hot water, lights, refrigerators, washing machines, computers, phones, cars, food, clothes, etc. for granted again. Hopefully, you will be undone and never the same. Do it, B!!

  2. Florence says:

    …and I forgot to add.. you can send out support letters for this trip and people (like me) will send you a check so that you can afford to take the trip!!!

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