Forgiveness…

Last night, at the end of a long and deep spring cleaning day, I decided to do some work on my computer.  With spring cleaning being on my mind, I decided to clean off my computer.  As I was doing that, I found a blog post that I wrote a while ago…not even totally sure how long.  Two years maybe.  It reminded me of how much I love my friend…and how difficult it is to forgive when I’m hurt.  I hope you enjoy it…Oh, and I am still working on forgiving them.  It doesn’t happen overnight.  I choose it…but the process for me is typically slow.

This week I have been hurting with a friend.  Those who once claimed to be loyal friends have decided to act as if my friend were an enemy.  It has been difficult to watch.  I hurt with my friend.  I don’t want this pain to come into her world.  What has occurred is wrong and so far from good that I feel free calling it evil.  My response has been to encourage her.  She is a unique soul.  Like me, she does not have a small personality.  She loves well and cares deeply for those whom she chooses to allow into her inner circle.  I am blessed to be among that number.  She never ceases to welcome me, challenge me, nurture and feed my soul and stomach.  I don’t always understand her.  We are different.  Yet, that difference is a blessing.

As I have struggled though my anger about what has been done to her, I have had to re-align my heart to what I believe God calls us to.  In my flesh, what I want to do is retaliate and hurt them as they have hurt her.  I am angry and feel pain with my friend.  And, then as I pray, I truly get to a place where I pray to let it go. Should anything ever be said to me about her in a negative light, I feel empowered to say how much I love my friend….how loyal, kind, available and loving she is to me.  And, their pain, evil actions, anger, drama and non-communicative passive aggressive crap is their issue.  Not hers.

My prayer is going to have to be to forgive them. God forgives me for my crap all the time. He loves me as his child, even when I act just like the people who have hurt my friend.  So, I will pray to forgive them.  I will also pray that they will be convicted of their actions and become kinder people.

As I keep thinking over the last 6 months, I continue to come back to one theme.  Each of us makes a MILLION little decisions a day. Those decisions add up and become the soul we carry.  If you decide to live in drama and anger, that is what your soul will become.   And, that is a desolate place to exist.  When you choose kindness, life, joy, passion, light and love, your life reflects that.  My constant struggle is to become a woman who pursues light and love.  Therefore, I choose to forgive and remind my friend of the amazing woman that she is.  With all her growth areas and all her gifts….she is lovable just as she is. And, I am so thankful for her presence in my life.

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